Revenge of the Chickens Read online

  Stuff wiped his face with the back of his hand and swallowed. “Battery Boy, you look terrible,” he said, trying to make it sound like a joke.

  Battery Boy stopped staring at the sky and lowered his head. Dark ringed and sullen eyes studied Stuff with muted interest. “Can’t say the same about you. You’re looking good. Looked after.”

  “Looked after?”

  Battery Boy nodded towards Stuff’s belly.

  Stuff self-consciously looked down and touched his stomach. He had developed a bit of a gut over the last few years. There wasn’t the time to keep up the cycling when the twins had arrived. When they were a bit older he’d get back to it. Stuff turned his attention to Battery Boy and tried hard to hide his distress at seeing his childhood hero looking so wretched, so different from how he remembered him. Worst of all, he couldn’t think of anything else to say that wouldn’t sound trivial or wrong.

  After what seemed a very a long silence, Battery Boy interrupted the growing awkwardness by leaning forward and offering his hand to Stuff. He shook it quickly. Battery Boy didn’t get up. Some part of Stuff wanted to grab hold of Battery Boy and hug him. He couldn’t, those times were gone for good. Now, a perfunctory hand shake was the best that either of them could manage. Battery Boy returned his arm to the back of the bench. Stuff noticed that he avoided catching his eye. He kept looking away, down at his feet, up at the sky, anywhere but in Stuff’s direction. Maybe Battery Boy felt guilty about abandoning Stuff all those years ago. Stuff couldn’t help it, he felt equally discomforted, uneasy about the good life he’d made for himself in the Ark. It felt like a betrayal. It was a stupid idea. What was he supposed to do? Left on his own. He’d made a life, something of himself. There was nothing to apologise for.

  The lengthening quiet between them was excruciating. If he didn’t break it soon, it felt like it might never end. “You’re living Outside? How do you survive?” His questions sounded more critical than he’d intended. As though he wanted to attack Battery Boy for his choices before he accused Stuff of giving up and running away.

  “Like we used to, in the wastes around Block Seven. This place makes me sick,” his old friend grunted, nodding towards the Ark.

  In this little exchange the gulf between them was exposed. Ark residents and the Outsiders had little in common. Few went Outside and those who did became outcasts by choice, and rarely returned to the Ark. Stuff didn’t know why they left in the first place or how they survived. He guessed they were explorers and adventurers; people like his old friend. The Outside was harsh, overrun with known and still-to-be-discovered dangers. Only the desperate or the crazy willingly left the comforts of the Ark.

  Stuff couldn’t think of anything else to say, their worlds were irreconcilable. Still standing, he folded his arms across his chest and together they waited quietly, trying not to remember. His companion kept his eyes on the sky.

  Stuff stared at the beautiful sea-blue grasslands below, dotted with innumerable mirror lakes, flashing gold and pink. The brightly coloured swamp stretched all the way to the Maroon Mountains, which climbed even higher than the Observatory. The grasslands were impossibly bizarre. The lakes were filled with weird liquids; the chemistry on this planet was very different to Earth. The ‘grasses’ that gently undulated around the lakes did so to a subterranean rhythm no one understood and were neither grass nor plant nor animal nor anything that matched any species on Earth. Life teemed on Eden and all of it was utterly alien.

  He noticed her smell first and then her dirty boots impinged on his view. It forced him to look up when he really didn’t want to. It was obvious who had arrived. She was in an awful state. Another part of the fond memories he had of his friends was diminished and spoilt.

  She came very close and peered up into Stuff’s face, forcing him to hold his breath and wrinkle his nose.

  “Who are you? What you doing here?” she slurred, obviously drunk. She was swaying about like she was on the deck of a sailboat.

  “It’s me, Stuff,” he said, trying to step back without making it obvious he was retreating from her overpowering stench.

  “Stuff? You’re Stuff? Look at you, all grown up, all proper, what keeps you so squeaky clean?”

  “I’m headmaster of my local village school,” he answered slowly, still getting over the shock of her appearance, but not completely surprised by her inebriation. Mina was drinking pretty hard when he’d last seen her.

  “Good for you. Good.”

  For a terrible moment Stuff worried that Mina was going to try to hug him. Instead, she focused on Battery Boy and stumbled in his direction. He felt a little ashamed about being relieved.

  “How you doing? Still gonna smash the Blocks?” Mina said and started cackling and coughing, making noises in her throat that made Stuff feel a little sick.

  Battery Boy didn’t answer. He was still staring at the sky, ignoring Mina.

  Conversation exhausted, she slumped down on the bench and slowly slid to one side, coming to rest in a crumpled heap against the arm-rest. Battery Boy didn’t bother hiding his disgust. He slid as far away as he could from Mina, right to the opposite end of the bench.

  She was nearly unrecognisable. It was only her big brown eyes, now horribly bloodshot, that were familiar. Her face was almost completely hidden under a wild storm of matted black hair. She was wrapped in a tattered long coat with the collar up around her ears. It was covered in stains, dried mud and other things Stuff would rather not speculate about. Mina clung tightly to a battered knapsack held tightly against her chest. Stuff guessed she must be living rough, probably begging in one of the bigger cities, maybe New New York. She looked disgusting and reeked of hopelessness. And there was no need. She still owned the penthouse in Manhattan. It was as if she was punishing herself or had just lost her mind.

  Together the three waited in dismal antipathy. Battery Boy pointedly refused to look at either of them. He was obviously itching to get back Outside and far away from his old companions.

  Stuff wasn’t sorry there would be no reminiscing. He was relieved, he welcomed the absence of conversation; any talk would turn to things he would rather forget. So, he watched the pretty landscape far below and ignored its harsh realities. He admired the changing colours as the suns moved higher, shortening double shadows, brightening the whole scene, burning away the last traces of the night. Inevitably, his thoughts turned inwards and back to the old times. He remembered how he’d loved and then hated Mina and Battery Boy. His first family, the mum and dad he’d never known, had abandoned him when he needed them the most. It was Jugger and Pinkie who’d saved him, before he’d found Martha. He wondered if Martha and the twins were awake.

  When Battery Boy suddenly stood up, he became aware that someone else was approaching. A slight female figure had stopped a few metres away. For a moment, his one-time friend and the newcomer stared at each other. Then, they quickly closed the gap and embraced for a while without speaking. He recognised her at once. She’d changed little, some grey hairs, maybe a little stockier but it was obviously still her.

  Tress was wearing a uniform he recognised from one of the fast-food places the twins loved to visit. She looked happy to see them, especially Battery Boy, and some of that had rubbed off on his friend, who quickly became engaged in animated conversation with Tress. Stuff smiled: seeing them together again was good. Mina grunted when she seemed to notice Tress, but he couldn’t be sure. Her muddled emotions were impenetrable. Smiles, grimaces, frowns and puzzlement randomly appeared on her face, as if in accompaniment to some histrionic opera only she could see and no one else could hear.

  While still holding on tightly to Battery Boy’s arm, Tress weakly smiled at the others, “Stuff, Mina, it’s good to see you again.”

  Stuff smiled, it was good to see her.

  The clicking of high heels alerted Stuff to new arrivals. He looked past Tress and saw two striking figures striding across the glass directly towards them. The handsome pair had an air of
power and style about them that Stuff had never seen outside of the vids. Pinkie was clad in a long coat of rosy silk that swirled about her lithe figure like a cumulus at sunset. A thick swirl of blond hair framed her beautiful face. Wrap-around shades of the deepest black hid her eyes. Accompanying her like a dark storm was Jugger. He was wearing an elegant black suit and a crisp open-neck shirt of midnight blue. Jugger had kept his long brown locks and he too was wearing shades.

  Stuff was so pleased to see them. Jugger and Pinkie had taken him in when Mina and Battery Boy had disappeared and Tress had gone off in search of both. They’d got him started in the Ark, set him on his way. He would always be grateful. Stuff took Jugger’s outstretched hand and shook it warmly. Pinkie hugged him.

  He hadn’t realised how much he’d missed them; it had been fifteen years since he’d last seen them. They were cooler with the others, only nodding to acknowledge their presence. Battery Boy looked on, unsmiling. Tress grinned and waved. Mina was lost in her own world.

  Maybe it was just unfamiliarity, initial awkwardness, and in a few moments, everyone would be chatting enthusiastically. Stuff had so many questions for Jugger and Pinkie. How were their kids, what had they been doing?

  None of that happened.

  Their High Angel popped into existence out of one of the smoky bubbles he remembered so well. She was wrapped in a huge cloak with a voluminous hood. Her nose and mouth were covered with a scarf. Only her eyes were visible, as cold and heartless as they’d always been despite their intense blue radiance. Battery Boy instantly tensed and placed himself between the giantess and Tress. His hands curled into fists and he took a step forward. Stuff guessed he was thinking of striking her. He wanted to warn his former friend that Crawlers wouldn’t be far away. Even if Battery Boy did manage to land a blow on the preternaturally fast woman, it was unlikely she’d notice. That was assuming Eva didn’t just whip out a blade and slice Battery Boy’s arm off before his fist struck her. His old childhood friend took another step, hesitated and then retreated. A nervous looking Tress took his hand and peeked around his broad shoulders.

  Mina began shaking at the sight of her old nemesis, but her eyes were wide open and focused, suddenly alert for the first time since she’d arrived.

  It was only then that Stuff noticed the slight dark-suited figure standing behind Eva. It was Trinity, the Ark Administrator. The faintly comical nurse body had been replaced long ago by a humanoid form with an emotionless, hairless and androgynous face. It had a thin nose, thin lips, and round black pupils in eyes without eyelids, all set against pale white skin. It was never seen without its uniform of black turban, neat black suit, crisp white shirt and a bowtie of a luminous blue that perfectly matched Eva’s eyes. Despite the elegance of the robot’s clothes, Stuff thought it looked like a tawdry magician’s assistant. Trinity had once been his crude funny friend. Long ago it had been distorted beyond recognition and yet become so familiar, almost part of the family. The twins loved Trinity. Martha was a huge fan. Its cold white face was everywhere, constantly on the news channels, on every public announcement panel, staring out from every Ark reference app.

  Trinity stood as rigid and still as the metal it was made of. Waiting on its mistress’s voice. Their old ally was as good as Banded.

  Eva paced back and forth studying each of them in turn. Occasionally, her cloak swung aside to reveal tiny scales of silvery armour covering the exposed parts of her body.

  “Good, all the little vermin are here.” Finally, she came to a halt in front of Battery Boy and bent her head so she was staring directly into his eyes. “Ready, little boy? Ready to go back?”

  “What do you want?” Battery Boy answered, without flinching.

  Stuff knew he wouldn’t be able to manage the same thing if Eva got that close and threatened him.

  “You have obligations, debts. It’s time to pay up,” Eva replied, still glaring at Battery Boy.

  “We know, just tell us what’s happened,” Stuff interjected, worried she might attack if Battery Boy kept challenging her. It took more courage than he thought he had. He found he was trembling as Eva slowly swung her gaze towards him. He had the attention of their intimidating demigod.

  “What was always going to happen. The Shard have no more use for the Vigilance. Poor simple creatures, your blood has seduced them… completely. We shall soon begin our withdrawal. It will take some time. Eventually, Truculent will notice. Later, he’ll understand. Then he’ll come looking for me, his last and only hope,” Eva said, looking straight at Stuff.

  Tress frowned, “What are you talking about?”

  “The Gateway,” Stuff answered. Instantly, he understood and his heart stuttered. It was one of many promises made more than twenty-five years ago.

  “It’s a Travel Way, you moron,” Eva screamed, sending Stuff scuttling backwards in terror.

  Eva took a moment to calm herself and then began studying them again, one after the other, as if she was assessing their reaction to her news. Mina physically recoiled from Eva’s cold gaze and looked like she was going to be sick. She dropped her head into her lap and began rocking back and forth, pitifully whimpering. Eva ignored her. Tress made a move towards Mina but Battery Boy forced her back behind him.

  “You will go back and destroy the Earth Travel Way before Truculent can access the journey logs and pick up our trail. A ship will leave in twenty-four hours. It’ll take some years to get you home. Even so, you will have plenty of time,” Eva bellowed.

  “We should have blown the damn thing up after we left. And why us? There’s a military now, any of them could go. I’m a civilian with a wife and children,” Stuff started to shout but his voice lost its power. He remembered that blowing up the Gateway back then would instantly have alerted Truculent and the whole Vigilance Empire to their escape.

  “No one knows the truth except us, and now no one wants to know,” Battery Boy bitterly reminded him.

  Suddenly all the dreadful compromises made to get Eva’s help so long ago were painfully real again. Stuff felt like a terrified kid hauled before the headmaster.

  “A crew of three is required for this mission, you will go back by choice or you will be under Control,” Eva yelled, directly into Battery Boy’s face.

  That word - ‘Control’ - struck Stuff like a charging bull.

  “Give us the Block Seven codes you promised and I’ll gladly go. I don’t have anyone here, I hate you, this place, everything we’ve done,” Battery Boy snarled, looking directly up into Eva’s eyes as he stood his ground.

  Eva lowered her face even more, so her nose was almost touching Battery Boy’s, and whispered, “In this we are as one. I hate your sweet, sweet blood, that only gets sweeter. I hate this place. I wish I could go home.”

  “What?” Battery Boy said, clearly surprised by Eva’s declaration and abrupt change in tone.

  Eva stood tall, stretched out her arms and slowly spun on the spot, “All of this is an abomination.” Eva kept rotating as though she’d forgotten all about them and where she was.

  Stuff looked to the others for some explanation. His old friends were all transfixed by Eva’s odd behaviour. Trinity remained statuesque, inscrutable, dead eyed and silent.

  Slowly Eva came to a halt and languidly swept her outstretched arm to encompass them all. “You cheated me, you little vermin. The Shard have cheated me. I’ve done all that they asked of me for many, many years. My debts are repaid many, many times over. And still they will not bring me home. You, at least, get to go home.”

  Stuff had never seen Eva like this. She sounded close to tears, almost jealous of their situation. It was bizarre.

  Tress stepped from behind Battery Boy and stared at Eva with puzzlement for a while before speaking. “I’ll go. I want to go back with Battery Boy.”

  Battery Boy immediately spun around and began an intense whispered conversation with Tress, who kept shaking her head. Stuff guessed her mind was made up. That was two of the three crew Eva needed,
only one more had to volunteer. He surveyed the rest of his old friends, loathing himself for hoping it would be one of them and not him. Maybe Jugger?

  “I need to go back, maybe fix some of it.”

  Stuff couldn’t immediately see who had spoken. A movement caught his eye. It was Mina, she was sitting upright on the bench, swaying a little. Somehow she’d sobered up enough to understand what was going on. He tried very hard to hide his relief. Eva had her three. Inside his head there was a terrible shouting match going on. I have responsibilities. Kids. You’re a pathetic spineless excuse for a man.

  Battery Boy immediately reacted. “Not her, we don’t need her. She’s a drunk. Useless.”

  Stuff’s relief was swept away by a rush of iced blood filling his head.

  Eva ignored Battery Boy. “Good, we have our first crew of three. Weepy drunk, queen sufferer and the once boy. The codes you need will be on the ship.”

  Stuff felt like a monster. As if he had somehow made Eva take Mina. Anybody but him. “What happens if something goes wrong?” Tress asked.

  It was a question Stuff didn’t want explored.

  Eva snorted and waved her hand at Stuff, then Jugger and Pinkie. “Then I’ll send these three. If they fail, I’ll take it as a… sign.”

  “What sign?” Jugger asked.

  “I’ll take the factories, all of them, and run before Truculent can find me. The Shard clamour for Channel birthing fed on your blood. It is unrelenting. Overwhelming. Something doesn’t feel right. Maybe Truculent was right. If the Yard and Control came back, it would get the Shard’s attention “